Skip to main content

Leaving yesterday behind

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train
- John Mayer, Stop This Train


I am so ready to leave 2013 behind.

All these major upheavals have made me realize so much that I am not ready to realize about myself - one of them, me not being ready to realize these things.

I feel as lost as ever, not having an anchor or a compass or whatever, just floating along taking whatever is coming and taking shelter from fire and brimstone the best I can.

It is no way to live.

I don't believe in resolutions anymore - anyone who has problems with self-discipline gets disillusioned at some point.  But I can't help hoping, and try to plead my case to Someone to show me how to take charge of my life.

Bring it on, 2014.  We'll see who wins this round.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It's just another New Year's Eve

The last several months have been, in a nutshell, quite stressful.  My friends at work have gotten used to me staring off at a distance while in conversation, or just looking plain distracted.  Though things are not yet ok, I feel a bit o relief that  somehow I'm here, I made it to this point. So last Tuesday, while we celebrated the last official working day of the year, my work friend Charmie encouraged me to take up other interests again. Then she revealed that she and her friend will start blogging, which led to me showing her my angst-filled old blog - I derived great amusement afterward reading back on those old posts.  Which leads me to today. It's been exactly two years since my last post. Though I'm unsure I'm still enthusiastic about blogging as I was before, I want to develop new habits that will lead to a better, more well-rounded existence. I've had enough of putting one thing first almost all the time. It's time to learn to prioritize and ...

Beyond healing

This year has been a year of reckoning.  Everything I tried to ignore about my health has punched me in the face and I was forced to confront them one at a time. More recently, I had to undergo a gynecological procedure that required me to go under for about an hour.  In the days - actually, weeks - before it happened, I had been obsessively listening to the Hospital Playlist soundtrack.  As I went under, I was thinking about how there’s a curtain draped between my face and the site of the procedure and how it’s similar to what I see in the drama’s surgical scenes.  The next thing I knew, I was roused from a pleasant dream of what I would presume was all about Hospital Playlist, and I grinned at the OR like an idiot with the joy of coming back to the world bursting inside of me. They said Hospital Playlist is a drama that heals.  Its profound impact on so many people is undeniable, whether because of its influence on organ donation drives, its spotlight on the m...

Traveling without moving

I had a grand time last week imagining myself going to another country for short to medium term.  But soon enough, I got hung up on how exactly I will travel - which bag(s) will I bring?  What tech?  How many pieces of clothing?  Books, tumblers, non-essential stuff that will mitigate boredom and homesickness? Earlier I read another inspiring article about traveling without a bag, and it was fun trying to visualize traveling unencumbered until I started bringing along extra stuff.    All these thought just highlighted how not ready I was to really embrace minimalism.  The challenge was stimulating, especially when I think about onebag travel, but the reality is that I was still very much into mindless consumption.  I bought three bags during this quarantine period, and I am still contemplating another purchase (which I have finally - hopefully - dissuaded myself from doing).   I just hope I get a lot of use for them in the future.  And m...