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 My life as a single unattached woman has been rather uncomplicated as of the last couple of years.  However, I’ve learned in the last couple of days that I still carry a lot of regrets and what ifs; and along with those, a lot of insecurities.

One of my closest friends has told me that I tend to hold back even if I wish for something.  Which, I realized, was right.  My lack of self-confidence has been ingrained for so long that I cannot actually believe in my capabilities and making my dreams possible.  It’s like having a lifelong affinity to the impostor syndrome.

So today, after confession, I opened my heart and tried to face the truth of what I really wish for in my life.  Since God is omnipotent, He should already know what was in my heart, right?  What I realized today is that I am lonely, and that I really wanted to have someone by my side as my partner in life.  The last few years have helped me realize that I don’t need to be in a relationship just to be happy, and I would rather be alone than suffer.  Today, I finally admitted to myself that I want it, but not at the expense of my happiness and self respect.

So my prayer for today was for God to “introduce me a good person”: one who will help me grow to my potential, who will support me with my dreams and in my struggles, who will allow me my independence when I need it, and who not force his will but will try to seek a solution that is best for us both.

God asks us to trust Him to give us what we really need.  But he also invites us to dream and ask Him to fulfill them.  I have been skeptical about everything my whole life, so it’s a challenge to surrender these wishes for God to fulfill.  But maybe it’s also time for me to take a leap of faith, and learn to crash and burn or make an effort to reach higher and make it all worthwhile.

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